This isn’t creepy, or weird. It’s just sweet and pure. You know...love is no different when it’s felt for a brother, or a father, or a child, or a lover. In its essence, at its purest, it’s the same. Just the same. That giving of everything; wholly and without thought of what you might get in return. That peaceful acknowledgement of the fact that come hell or high water, the one you love will always be a part of you. That realization is so complete that it is as if it is a divine revelation. That which you cannot fight. But that is all romantic bull shit. Truth be told it is nothing more than a decision made of free will, a choice made to last. It is a choice so deep rooted, sometimes you forget you made it. It is easier that way. To think that it just happened. Then you can easily wash your hands off of all things that come as a part of the package. Letting someone share your soul isn’t easy, you know. For then you must love them as you love yourself. With as much patience. With as much inevitability. Everything they do is yours. Everything that they don’t is yours too. The closest metaphor i can come up with is to talk of the love one would feel for their child. Of course there are exceptions in this as in anything else, but for the matter of debate, it quite suffices. When you hold a child in your arms; your own flesh and blood, a tiny thing that now breathes and has a life because you made it happen, a little bundle who shared its heart beat with you, took nourishment from your blood, was formed to all its tiny glory inside of your very body. It is love at first sight. It is knowing that you have chosen love or maybe it has chosen you. All you know is that you and the love you feel is one and the same. Neither the cause of the other. Both one with each other. In that moment the choice is made and your heart stops beating; it is so full of love, so full of the promise of life, so full of the fears that hold you in their grip, so full of vulnerability, so full of gladness, so full of love.
This vulnerability is one of the inevitabilities of this kind of love. The forever kind. The all or nothing kind. The divine kind. The oh-so-human kind. And strangely enough, so is strength. Though it might sound like a paradox, it is one of the most fundamental balances of life. Love in its utter madness is selfless. It doesn’t mean that you lose yourself but that you choose with all the power of your ‘self’ for another self to be yours as is your own. Love in its complete selflessness is innately vulnerable for with all the might of your will the one thing you cannot control is the will of the other. In the complete giving of yourself to another you gamble everything with no guarantees. You can never control the outcome. It is not yours to decide. Yet, all caution to the wind, you choose. This choice that causes the vulnerability to be is that which is caused by a strength paralleled by no other. Only those who have the strength to be vulnerable are the ones who can be vulnerable but never lose their strength. It is only those who have the strength to love who have the strength to lose and still keep loving. Only they have a strength that knowing that the will of another is entirely out of their control commits to a lifetime of love. Eyes wide open they leap into the unknown, knowing only that the love will never fade for it is as infinite as the potential of every human being to be whoever he wants to be.
This, my dear, is the love I feel for you. Like I said, I do not expect you to understand. However, you might now be better able to see that what freaks you out so much- the fact that you can believe I’d die for you if it ever came to that is nothing to be freaked out about but merely axiomatic to what I’m talking of. You might be better able to see that no matter what you throw my way, I might question anything but never my love for you. Never that. As you once told me, “I love you. Just know that.”